I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
