Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
