There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
