I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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