Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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