last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize