if i died would you start the facebook group?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
