I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
