Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
