i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
