She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
