In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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