at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
When are your genitals available?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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