i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
