But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
