i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
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