i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
