I want to stick my p in your. b.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
