I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
