so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
