i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Randomize
