Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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