Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize