So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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