Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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