i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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