I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
