Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
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It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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