Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
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