We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
