where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
