at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
