If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
