Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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