So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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