Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
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I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
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I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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