I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
