Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
