I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research