I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
