Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
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you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
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Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?