Just took my morning after pill in the library
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again