You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him