If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
