Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I think I sprained my soul last night
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
