And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We had to coat check the pizza.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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