i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
