Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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