Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
