at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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