come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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