Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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