how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
