so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
