after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
