very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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