Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
