Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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