i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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