In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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