we made out on top of his cat.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
