oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
