New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
