so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
