Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
