Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
