I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
