Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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