you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
