I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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