Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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