Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
