bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
