maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I looked at my own cervix.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize