She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
