goodnight i made you a song goodbye
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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