good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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