Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
