i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize