Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
