i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
