Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
